Friday, October 03, 2003
Oops, maybe I was too scary the other day. I went to work and was incredibly insular, especially as my colleagues fluttered around me demanding to know what was up and why I wasn't my 'happy', 'bubbly', and other adjectives that supposedly describe me, self. I then wallowed in self pity and despair until I shared my problems and then felt ok again.
This is my problem, when things upset me I retreat into my head, often listening to music which I deem so beautiful it makes me sad. When asked what is wrong I fail to share my woe and retreat further into the depression that engulfs me. Every movement I make dramatises my sadness and the more concern from others arised from my pain, the happier but more upset I become. I am a contradiction of emotion, in my saddest times when I withdraw from all interaction, often for weeks at a time, my need for attention is fed to newfound levels and I become estatic. People care about me and my selfish wallowing self, I must get depressed and heartbroken more often! There is a balance though, it's just hard to acheive it. The pain hasn't gone away but I have began to perform like my premeditated self used to. I am a seal, ark ark!
Religious types procclaim that there is evil in the World so we know how great and loving 'God' is. And here is my synopsis, in order to reach levels of euphoric happiness, we often have to hit bed times [I just wrote bed times, ha ha, meant bad times obviously. I aint a promiscuous lady] to celebrate the great. To realise how great those we love are, we need to be hurt by heartless bastards. And if you are an attention seeker, you're greatest times are often your worst.
Ouch, Im lying on my stomach and my bottom rib hurts.
This is my problem, when things upset me I retreat into my head, often listening to music which I deem so beautiful it makes me sad. When asked what is wrong I fail to share my woe and retreat further into the depression that engulfs me. Every movement I make dramatises my sadness and the more concern from others arised from my pain, the happier but more upset I become. I am a contradiction of emotion, in my saddest times when I withdraw from all interaction, often for weeks at a time, my need for attention is fed to newfound levels and I become estatic. People care about me and my selfish wallowing self, I must get depressed and heartbroken more often! There is a balance though, it's just hard to acheive it. The pain hasn't gone away but I have began to perform like my premeditated self used to. I am a seal, ark ark!
Religious types procclaim that there is evil in the World so we know how great and loving 'God' is. And here is my synopsis, in order to reach levels of euphoric happiness, we often have to hit bed times [I just wrote bed times, ha ha, meant bad times obviously. I aint a promiscuous lady] to celebrate the great. To realise how great those we love are, we need to be hurt by heartless bastards. And if you are an attention seeker, you're greatest times are often your worst.
Ouch, Im lying on my stomach and my bottom rib hurts.
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